I CAN MOONWALK!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
