I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
