Taylor Swift is so right about you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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