Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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