just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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