How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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