Can i not drive my cunt home
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
