What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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