Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
