he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
