Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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