so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
