And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
