Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
