apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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