So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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