Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
