what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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