guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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