I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize