Jerry, you need to find god
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
