I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
