well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
