i think my mom watched the whole time
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Swine flu is the new snow day.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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