I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
