Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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