nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
