apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it glows. i had to have it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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