her vagine was all disorganized.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
