it wasn't lemon gatorade
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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