Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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