and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
