you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
