I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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