At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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