break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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