I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
