If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She bit a glass in half.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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