Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
