Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
