i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
