i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dignity is for republicans.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
