I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
