I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
