Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
