I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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