yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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