elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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