i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize