I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize