i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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