omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
