I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize