I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
