saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
