it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
