There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
