is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
