Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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