I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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