I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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