doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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