i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
