my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
