Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
