So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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